Die Geval van die Hoof van die Huis & die Sensusbeampte

‘n “Gesprek” elders in blogland het my weer laat dink aan destyds se sensusopname. Die meisie wat daar aangekom het om ons te sensueer se eerste vraag was na die naam van die hoof van die huishouding. Daar vra sy my vas met die heel eerste vraag!

Die hoof van ons huishouding… umm… wie’s dit? (My standaard antwoord is gewoonlik Jesus, maar ek dink nie dis wat sy wou weet nie.)

• Die broodwinner? Ons het op daardie stadium albei voltyds gewerk.
• Dalk die een wat die meeste verdien? Meestal ek.
• Wat van die een wat die langste ure werk? Ongetwyfeld ek!
• Okay, die een wat vir die huis betaal? Ekke.
• Umm… Dalk die een wat die huishouding behartig? Hy maak kos, ek was skottelgoed. Die een wat lus het, was die wasgoed. Die een wat eerste opstaan, maak koffie. Daarna drink ons dit in die bed en maak saam bed op. So, ons albei.
• Moontlik die een wat kruideniersware koop? Hy!
• O ja! Wat van die een wat die besluite neem? Umm… Ons albei.

Dat mens jou sensusopname sommer op vraag een kan dop!

Rob Bell verduidelik dit só:

Several years ago, I met with a couple who had been married a short time and needed some spiritual direction. Their marriage was falling apart, and the week before, in the midst of a heated argument, he had hit her. As you can imagine, the meeting was tense from the start. It soon degenerated into an argument between them, with their voices getting louder and louder and their words getting more and more hurtful. At one point the husband got so angry that he looked at me and said, “Do you see what I mean? She won’t submit!”

To which I replied, “Will you?”

Which didn’t exactly calm him down.

He wanted her to submit, whatever that means, without his having to die. He was essentially waiting for her to obey him, as a dog would, and then his will would be accomplished.

…

There are those who say, “Well, yes, that’s nice now and then, but what about the tough descisions? What happens when push comes to shove and somebody has to call the shots and make the tough decisions? What then?” …

Think about friendships, the closest ones, the ones that have gone the distance. How often do you ask who is in charge? Do you ever find yourself questioning, “Where does the buck stop?”

No, it’s not even on the radar. Over time you’ve built up reserves of trust and love, and power and control become irrelevant. The healthier and more whole a marriage relationship is, the less you ask these kinds of questions. When people are truly living in what’s called “mutual submission”, you lose track of who’s in charge.

In a marriage, you’re talking about power and control only when something central to the whole relationship has fallen apart.